


and nothing fills me like your love

by beautiful1malec



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Embedded Gifs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Post-Episode: s02e10 By The Light Of Dawn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2019-02-01 04:08:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12697029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautiful1malec/pseuds/beautiful1malec
Summary: “But I didn’t know,” Alec insisted, clearly desperate to calm down buthe couldn’t stop. “As soon as Jace told me he activated the Sword, my first thought was you. And I tried calling, called more times than I ever have, butyou didn’t answer. I couldn’t help but think the worst. Now I know you were with Madzie, that you both got out, but I didn’t think of that. Icouldn'tthink of that. I could only think of finding you with the others, of having to pull you out and tohopeit was a nightmare. I can’t stop seeing it Magnus, seeing you lying there and knowing there would be nothing I could do to bring you back-”“Alexander,” Magnus interrupted, thumb wiping a tear that slid down his cheek, leaning forward and claiming his lips in another kiss, like how Alec kissed him, so full of need andloveand it was enough to get Alec to stop and focus on him. Taking Alec’s hand, he trailed it up to his chest, Alec’s palm pressing right above his heart, feeling it beat steadily. “I’m alive, I’m here with you, I’m not going anywhere.”OrAlec and Magnus recover after the attack on the Institute.





	and nothing fills me like your love

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I know, another continuation of an episode, but I can't help myself. I just love Malec's dynamic so much. And once again, I'm a little too into angsty Alec considering how much growth he's had. But don't worry, I've got some angsty Magnus coming up, I'm just figuring out how I want it to go. Plus I'm still thinking up my own ideas but those are coming. For now it helps to have something to go off of. Also, I clearly have a thing for Magnus calling Alec "Alexander", more than anything so I'm gonna stick with that. 
> 
> Enjoy!

  

 

> _"Look Magnus, on every mission I've ever been on, I've never felt that type of fear, ever. Not knowing if you were alive or dead. I-I was terrified." Heart racing in his chest, the aftermath of adrenaline coursing through his veins still running its toll on his mind. He searched so long, looked through more bodies he'd ever seen in his life, all in the hopes of making sure Magnus **wasn't**  there. The longer he looked, the more relieved, but more terrified he became as he realized he didn't know where Magnus was, if he managed to escape the Soul Sword before it was activated. If he was lying dead somewhere-_
> 
> _"So was I." He'd never seen him like this, his Shadowhunter usually so put together and composed, but the façade was fading, the stress of holding on too much to handle. Magnus was worried too, more worried for Alec's safety than his own, more than willing to get caught in the fight if it meant Alec would survive, but seeing him like this was enough to shake him._
> 
> _Panting and wide-eyed, Alec's eyes never left Magnus, the man who made him feel more than he ever has. More than he thought he ever could. "Magnus, I love you."_
> 
> _Magnus’s eyes softened, surprise running through him at his sudden declaration. He never thought he’d ever hear those words. Those beautiful words so full of honestly and pride. Those words are mirrored Magnus’s feelings for Alec so perfectly. "I love you too."_  

He was shaking. That was the first thing Magnus noticed. Alec was  _shaking_  in his arms, a violent tremor coursing through him and threatening to swallow him whole. Holding Magnus so tight as if he’d disappear if he didn’t, one slip enough to take him away. Magnus realized that was a fear still rooted deep in Alec’s mind, unable to be shaken just yet. Not after what he’d just been through. He was  _scared_  to let him go, not wanting to risk losing him again. Not when he just got him back. Alec couldn’t even think of it, panic so close to making a permanent home in his mind. This simply wouldn’t do, Magnus decided.

“Alexander,” Magnus spoke, Alec letting out a small noise, sounding so wounded and small Magnus’s heart hurt. Alec burrowed further into his shoulder, nuzzling his nose into his neck and his eyes squeezed shut. “Alexander,” Magnus said again, running his hands over Alec’s back, the tension and stiffness in his muscles unwelcome. “It’s alright, everything’s alri-”

“Take me home,” Alec even surprised himself with his tone of voice, broken but still authoritative, desperately trying to keep himself together even though he was about to fall apart. It was the least he could do, at least while they were in public. _Come on Alec, get it together. What’s wrong with you?_

Confusion overcame Magnus, unsure of what Alec could mean. The Institute was only steps away, did Alec want to go back? “Home, darling? But you are. We could go back inside if you want-” 

“Not  _here,_  Magnus. Take me  _home_.”  Home wasn’t the Institute for Alec, not anymore. It was just a place with an extra room, a place his family resided at the end of a long day, a place filled with more destruction and anguish than he could handle. Home was in Brooklyn, a high-end loft filled with countless potions and spell-books, copious amounts of cats leaving evidence of their presence which clung to his wardrobe of varying shades of black, and a certain golden-eyed Warlock who he loved more than anything in the world. Who  _loved_  him. It was crazy for him to think that anywhere without Magnus could even come close to being home. He wouldn’t even consider it. “I can’t stay here Magnus, not now. _Please_.”

"Alright darling," Magnus relented, this being a battle he was more than willing to lose if it meant he could get Alec to _calm down_. His surprise was still fresh, Alec’s adamancy of denouncing the Institute as home enough to stir him into action. The insistence that the loft was _home_ was something he didn’t think he’d ever get over. “We’re going, and it’ll just be us, okay?” Once Alec nodded into his shoulder, he attempted stepping back, needing space to create a portal, noticing Alec _wasn’t letting go_. If anything, he seemed to hold on tighter, nervous that even the slightest bit of space was enough to take him away. Still so nervous, bracing himself for the worst, determined to protect Magnus with his entire body if necessary.

Not bothering to fight against him, Magnus did the best he could, arms by Alec’s sides while generating enough magic to create the portal that would lead them to the loft. Lead them _home_. Cautiously, Magnus started moving, gently guiding Alec backwards to walk them through, one arm wrapped tightly around Alec’s midsection to steady him, the other extended outward while his hand waved to seal the portal once they were in the living room.  Away from prying eyes and everyone Alec couldn’t bring himself to care about in that moment. He knew everyone else was safe, Izzy, Jace, Clary, even Simon, but he didn’t bother giving them another thought. _MagnusMagnusMagnus_ consumed him, the other in his hold but still seeming so far away.  

He seemed to relax a bit once he realized they were away from the Institute, away from the death he was expected to grow accustomed too, but was still on edge. For the most part, he already was, so desensitized it was remarkable he had any semblance of emotion left. He used to laugh at those who let emotion guide them, faulting them for being so idiotic for thinking with their hearts instead of their minds.  But Magnus, Magnus was a different story. He pulled him from those depths, exposing the soul he didn’t know was still there, that tried so hard to shine through the rubble Alec buried it with. It was _always there_ , it just needed help finding its way out.

“Easy now sweetheart,” Magnus’s soothing voice broke from his thoughts, fingers running through his hair, and Alec felt so out of control. He couldn’t contain himself, even though he wanted to. “It’s okay, we’re safe.”

“You might not have been,” Alec murmured, voice so shattered it almost Magnus stop in his tracks. Taking hold of Alec’s face, worn down with tears in his eyes, hands still holding onto him with a firm grip. “I couldn’t find you, I looked everywhere Magnus, _everywhere_. So many Downworlders, but _you weren’t there_. I was so happy you weren’t, but I didn’t know where you were. If you managed to make it out in time-”

“But I did,” Magnus reassured him, stroking Alec’s cheek with his thumb, watching as the other leaned into his touch. “I’m right here with you, I’m not going anywhere.”

“But I didn’t know,” Alec insisted, clearly desperate to calm down but he _couldn’t stop_. “As soon as Jace told me he activated the Sword, my first thought was you. And I tried calling, called more times than I ever have, but _you didn’t answer_. I couldn’t help but think the worst. Now I know you were with Madzie, that you both got out, but I didn’t think of that. I _couldn’t_ think of that. I could only think of finding you with the others, of having to pull you out and to _hope_ it was a nightmare. I can’t stop seeing it Magnus, seeing you lying there and knowing there would be nothing I could do to bring you back-”

“Alexander,” Magnus interrupted, thumb wiping a tear that slid down his cheek, leaning forward and claiming his lips in another kiss, like how Alec kissed him, so full of need and _love_ and it was enough to get Alec to stop and focus on him. Taking Alec’s hand, he trailed it up to his chest, Alec’s palm pressing right above his heart, feeling it beat steadily. “I’m alive, I’m here with you, I’m not going anywhere.”

“I can’t lose you Magnus,” voice stronger than it had been since they reunited, Alec made his declaration while he had the strength do to so. “Not after all this.”

“You’re not losing me.” Alec captured him in another kiss, hands clutching hips and pulling him _ininin_ , unable to handle the distance. “You’re never losing me.” A firm promise, met with equally firm and reassuring touches, not stopping even when the shaking ceased, leaving them caught in each other’s embrace.

“I love you Magnus,” there it was again, those amazing words Magnus felt he didn’t deserve, but Alec clearly felt the opposite. It consumed his entire being, needing to let the words out every chance he got. He needed Magnus to know, the words so simple but revealing _so much_. “I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have you.”

“I don’t know what I would do without you either.” It was nothing short of the truth. Before Alec, Magnus was full of emptiness, the urge to defend himself overpowering every other instinct he’d come to trust, survival on his mind. With Alec, he let himself succumb for the first time in a century, and it wasn’t something he would ever regret.  How could he, with this amazing angel of a man giving Magnus everything he had to offer? “I love you too Alexander.”

With a bit of fumbling, neither willing to part, they made their way through the loft, making it back to the bedroom, which was more shared than it was just Magnus’s. Laying in bed, limbs tangled, Alec rested his head against Magnus’s chest, eyes closing as he felt the constant pulse beneath his ear. It was a lullaby of sorts, giving him something to match his breathing too, all while Magnus ran his fingers through his hair, watching him with soft eyes.

“Alexander,” Magnus broke the soft silence, waiting for Alec’s soft sound of response, letting him know he was listening. A hand reached his, fingers lacing together and resting against the sheets. Everything seemed fragile, already broken apart and carefully being put back together. “I love you, and I’m not going anywhere.” He knew it was already said, but the reassurance was helping Alec relax. He’d say it a million times if he had to, not that it would be much of a challenge.

“I love you,” voice soft, almost unable to help himself, but it was all Alec could will himself to say. He was still nervous about losing Magnus, the thought of the impending war taking him away, but right there, he knew they were alright. He _had_ Magnus, and that was enough. That’s all he wanted to think about. They’d handle everything else when it came up, _together_.


End file.
